Prayer.

Prayer. I pray. But not like God longs for me to.......not like my heart screams I need to. But I pray. I pray in the really tough moments, usually something sweet and to the point about giving it to God and that I trust Him and to ask him for guidance. I pray when I see a friend in need or with a prayer request on FB. It's usually a short silent to myself prayer, but I pray. If I tell someone that I prayed for them, I really did. I pray but being extremely open and honest........I'm more of a short order cook kind of praying girl. Not a long deep meaningful heartfelt conversation with God kind of faithful praying person. You following me? And I'm so convicted about it. It kicks my tail daily that I am short changing this prayer life that God calls me to have with Him, these deep heart to hearts that I NEED to have with Him. And I've been struggling with it awhile. I'm never the one to pray out loud in a group or to close a meeting in prayer. And you'd think for an extrovert like me that I would be happy to do so.......nope. Nerves take over, feelings of inadequacy and shame take over. It's horrible. Then I feel guilt for not doing what my heart tells me to do and for not investing so much more into my prayer life............and God knows and sees. Yes. Yes He does. Because the week we are in Haiti, we will be having VBS with the children. The lesson plans are already being out together and written out for us as our guide for the week. Can you guess what we will be talking about and sharing with these precious children???? Uh huh. We are going to be talking about PRAYER! Yes. That's right. God is taking me all the way to Haiti to smack me in the face and break my heart in the middle of my beloved place to get my attention on PRAYER! I am now praying for an awakening. For my heart to be open and ready and willing to SEE and HEAR and DO all that's about to come about with regards to PRAYER!!!!
I know that I am learning. I know that I am falling on my face daily. I know that God is still doing a work on me daily and I praise Him for His grace when I am so undeserving. But He is already showing me that He has big things planned for this journey........bigger t than I could plan for myself. How amazing to see Him in all the details and to really see Him (in my opinion) calling me out on my weak prayer life!!!