While at the airport, I was in the company of several others in the process of adoption........one who already got her Ethiopian princess a couple months ago, one on the waiting list for a little boy and a couple who are waiting on siblings from Ethiopia. Also......a dear friend who welcomed home her Ethiopian prince a year ago.....AND a lady (whom I'd never met) with a Guatemalan princess. I MUST say it------total adoption ENVY! Yup, I am envious. Yup, I know I am not supposed to be jealous or covet......but I do and I KNOW I do?! I get it----we all have different seasons and this is simply "not my time"........I pray daily to "really get it" and to "really let go" that while God has set me on fire, it's simply just my time to love on my friends and to celebrate in their journey's along side them.
Again......I will say it. I pray daily about letting my husband lead our house, about following his lead, about letting him drive this train.........I am a strong willed person, so it's hard. And I know it's yet another way God is working to humble me. I am okay with that (most days). With my husband leading the way, I find that we are in different places, in different areas......that's okay because I know God grows us all at different rates, speeds and with different destinations. And that God has a plan for me and Tony----He did bring us right together at just the right time. BUT what I also believe is God wouldn't just break my heart and then abandon me in my willingness to go to the hard places. Or do I just "think" I am willing? Does God know differently? Does God see something in my heart that I am not aware exists?
So I pray: God please show me where You want me to be. God please guide me to what I need to be doing. God, I know you wouldn't break me and then leave me to suffer in the tears alone. I know you are with me.......but what is it all for? What is this fire you are burning in my heart?
So I love my friends who are following in God's word and adopting. I love that they are so faithful and fearless.......jumping straight into what God desires for us to do for the least of them. Amazing hearts, amazing strength, awe inspiring stories!! I love them all and I love God for placing them in my life and heart. I know God has a purpose in all of this.......just curious to see the "what's and why's"-------when He is ready to share with me. Because it is HIS story after all.
