So here I am.......

I fear that this first post may be long, drawn out, over informative, OR really boring, pointless, abstract. Either way, I have so much to say......

To see the HOW I got to WHERE I am, you'll have to read the "about me" part.
How I got here is important but the WHY I am here is even bigger......and that is one I am still learning about.

Today, this is WHERE I am.......
I attended my first planning meeting last night for my Haiti mission trip. Going in I was under the assumption that the cost was "x" amount of dollars. At the meeting, we learned our cost had gone up by a couple hundred. This did make me nervous at first but I know that God will take care of it. He has after all gotten me to this point, why start getting nervous now? He layed it on my dear friend Erica's heart to volunteer to play mommy while I am gone. He layed it on my dear Uncle Lenny's heart to jump start my fundraising efforts in a HUGE way. He layed it on my husband's heart to even consider allowing me to go-----although I think after 5 years my hubby knows that once my mind is set, there's no real hope of changing it. HE got me here.....I didn't dare think He would forsake me now, did I? As we took turns asking questions and learning the basic details of our trip, my nervousness did creep in slowly. Nervous about the extra money to raise, nervous about the tiny plane we have to ride on.......I ignored it and pushed it back and prayed it would go away. After the meeting, I loaded my little man into the car and we headed to the park to watch the hubby play softball. As I drove down the road I passed a church sign that simply said "Trust in God is the cure for all fear". Okay, now there are times where I specifically ask God to give me a sign, send me a memo, something. This time I think God gave me a real sign to get over the fear! I mean it was right there in my face! TRUST IN GOD!! And I shall. Because there is one thing I am learning quickly in this whole journey of me going to Haiti......I cannot do it alone! I HAVE to HAVE GOD!!

I have cried, I will admit it. I think only 1 or 2 have actually been witness to this and it was on the phone, so no one has really seen the tears. The real breakdowns over the fear of it all. The fear of leaving my husband and my children for 9 days. The fear of not being here to be mommy for my babies. The fear of the unknown. The fear of how heartbreaking this is going to be to witness such poverty. The fear of how I will feel to leave all those sweet babies behind when I leave to come home. The fear of how it will forever change me. The fear of who I will be at the end. And then there is my excitement of all that GOD is going to do....excitement of the unknown! Excitement to be blessed to witness the poverty that really exists that I've only ever seen through media! Excited to come home and share all about the babies I was blessed to love on!! Excitement of how I'm going to forever be changed! Excitement of who God may change me into from this!

I'm sure you're asking "How can you be excited about witnessing the poverty of it all?" Because by witnessing it, I can share it! God will open doors for me to share my experience and my love for HIM! I'm not going with expectations because God already has His plans for me. But I don't expect to stay the same, that I am sure of already. Because God wants us to grow and change. And I'm positive that is unavoidable. I'm eager to see what comes of this journey.......

So now I have to still raise a few hundred dollars, gather my supplies for that week, pack a suitcase full of items to leave with the orphans.......and get some shots.

Please be in prayer for the orphans who have yet to come to the orphanage. It's wonderful to think that God has already picked them all by hand and has great things planned for thier lives............for they will forever be changed as well!!