I think I don't want anyone to see me cry about this all just yet. Maybe because it makes me feel weak? Maybe because I'm not sure who would try to talk me out of it and who would just pump me back up. It's scary to me. I leave on a Friday and come back the following Saturday night. I've done the math now and it is 198 hours that I will go without seeing my family's faces. 198 hours of being without my hubby. 198 hours to go without having my little girl getting on my last nerve. 198 hours with no one needing me to make chocolate milk or fix dinner or love on a bump or bruise. 198 hours with no kisses and hugs and no bedtime stories. 198 hours of being away from my home and my "comfort zone". 198 hours is a long time........but then I find comfort.
Because God is reminding me that it will be 198 hours of life changing circumstances and encounters and mind blowing moments. 198 hours of seeing precious little faces of God's children, 198 hours of 100 or so orphans to love on!!! 198 hours of babies with no mommy to love on their bumps and bruises----and I will!!! 198 hours of endless hugs and kisses and endless playtime and stories! 198 hours of learning what a comfort zone is and how to better appreciate all that I have. 198 hours is a long time......and I fear it won't be long enough.
If you are confused, then welcome to my world. For every down, God shows me an up. For every worry, God gives me a glory. It's an emotional rollercoaster ride already and I haven't even started to pack. Tony says I'm a cry baby these days. I agree. I just find that I'm so consumed with emotion that I am usually left to just cry......so now here are more tears. But right now I hear Chris Tomlin's "Take My Life" playing in my head.
I posted the video in case you've never heard it or want to hear it again......
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