So last night I woke up at 2am. I mean I was wide awake. I laid in the dark for awhile and thought I would drift back off to sleep. It was pitch black, no TV, no radio......just the calming hum from the ceiling fan. But, then I became fixated on the fan. The cool breeze it was blowing down onto us was so refreshing, especially since it was 93 degrees yesterday. I was so thankful to have that fan......which led to being so thankful to having the electricity for it to run on.......and then my mind spun out of control. Because then I started going through the whole list of things I should be thankful for that allow me to enjoy that ceiling fan on a hot summer night. Tony providing income so we can pay for the rent on this house that has a ceiling fan that requires a bill to be paid for the electricity to run it. Then laying there in the dark I found a room full of things I should be thankful for, everyday things that most of us are just "used" to having. I should be thankful that I have an incredibly comfortable mattress and pillow to rest my tired body on each night. I think that it becomes routine to just climb in the bed and get comfortable and go to sleep. Why wouldn't I every night climb in that bed and pray instantly for all God's people who are sleeping in ditches and under cars, in cars, under bridges, on streets, in the dirt......that may they have as restful a sleep as I? I say I don't pray for that because I am not as grateful for that bed as I should be.....it is just a normal part of my world. I've never NOT had a bed to sleep in or a pillow to put under my head. So from there.......mind and heart were in total overload.
I laid there thinking about a conversation I had with a young lady this last week. She herself is headed to Haiti in July. She will go just before me and be back just before I leave. We were discussing how incredible it will be and different details of the packing challenge. I told her leaving out my blow dryer, flat iron and makeup will free up much space that I am not used to having in my suitcase. So we began discussing the blow dryer issue. I told her I wasn't sure we'd even have access to use one but beyond that I didn't care to use one while I am gone. If I am to truly go and take away as much as I can from this.....I think I need to give up such small luxuries. No fresh running water, no blow dryer, no special perks.....all these things will just make me so much more appreciative of what I have at home. But then on Thursday that got flipped into something else.
On Thursday I needed to go to the grocery. I told Tony last week that we needed to buy LESS at the grocery and really eat all our food between visits to the store. No waste, no food spoiling, no throwing anything out. So I went to the store and spent about $25 less than normal and came home to put my items away. It never fails that there is ALWAYS a vegetable or pack of meat that has spoiled and needs to be trashed. Wasted food, wasted money......I am ashamed. As I cleaned a few items from the fridge, I threw out half a package of bacon, a few squash, a zucchini, and half a pound of lunch meat. I actually teared up thinking how many starving children this could've fed. Then I added up that it was probably about $10 wasted. If I waste $10 per week in groceries, that's $520 per year. WOW!!!! Now, when you look at half a package of lunch meat, it doesn't seem like much. To some starving child, it may keep them alive until their next meal. Plus, when you add up the money being wasted.......that's money that could be put to doing Kingdom Works for Him. Right? But I've heard people say "The people in starving countries don't know any different." This just makes me more angry at myself. Shouldn't I WANT them to know something different? Don't ALL God's children deserve a fair shot at a wholesome meal every single day? As a child of God, shouldn't I work to do better so I can do something more pleasing with that wasted money?
I was awake until almost 4:30, that was the last time I glanced at the clock. Ceiling fans, blow dryers, bacon.......all have new meanings now. God can show up anywhere you are (or are NOT) looking to find Him. <3
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